Cartoon Wars: Episode 1, the avian menace
by Anonymius
Summary: A Star Wars parody. Gennai Samurai Qui-Gon Genies and his apprentice Obi-Futatsu Kenobies must protect a main character from the Federation of Plankton and come across a mysterious boy from Reboot, whom Genies believe is the subject of an ancient spoiler
1. The opening

Not so long ago, in a genre very, very well known…

**CARTOON WARS**

**Episode one: The avian menace**

**For decades cartoons have lived side-by-side peacefully under the Genratic republic, each separated in their own universe by the great void. In the past years, however, turmoil has engulfed the republic. Greedy corporations that traversed the great void have undermined the Republic. The most powerful of these is the United Trade Federation of Plankton, who hail from the cartoon of Sponge Bob Square Pants. Their taxation of trade routes to outlying cartoon pop cultures is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battle cartoonships, the Federation has stopped all shipping to the minor cartoon of Belleville Rendez-vous. **

**While the Inter-Genratic Council of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, the president has secretly dispatched two gennai samurai, the guardians of peace and justice in the genre, to settle the conflict…**

**By the way, if you fell asleep during all the boring talk about politics and you have no idea what's going on, it's not our fault. Blame the script by George Lucas we have to use. Besides it shouldn't be too hard to follow. Just remember: gennai good, United Trade Federation of Plankton bad. **

* * *

**I do not own 'Sponge Bob Square Pants.' I do not own 'Belleville Rendez-vous.' I do not own 'Reboot.' I don't even own the words 'Gennai' or 'Qui-Gon.' Right, I think I've covered everything I don't own.**


	2. Coming aboard

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Les Triplettes de Belleville Rendez-vous.' I do not own the design of plankton from 'Spongebogb square pants.' I do not own the words 'Gennai' or 'Qui-Gon.' If there's anything else I've missed out on that's copyrighted, please don't sue me.

* * *

A void station, along with hundreds of battle ships, surround the award-winning animated feature film of Les Triplettes de Belleville Rendez-vous. From the outside, all cartoons are spherical. Their colour reflects the style of animation of the particular cartoon. In this case the cartoon looks just as gloomy as its animation. The cartoon craft surrounding it are the exact opposite in terms of colour. They are very bright and cartoony, and rather shabby animation if I may add. Now approaching the blockade is a different cartoonship. Now that is some fine animation (mainly because I have conceived the image in my own mind, so to me, it is the best animation that could ever be drawn). Within the ship are two brown robed, hooded figures and two pilots.

"Captain?" the taller hooded figure asked.

"Yes sir?" the captain replied.

"Tell them we wish to come aboard."

"At once, sir."

Turning back to the control panel, the captain turned a few buttons and the viewscreen in front of them turned on. It showed what looked like Sheldon J. Plankton from the Spongebob Square Pants cartoon, but it was in fact a different plankton, Minute Raygun. He looked rather nervous.

"With all due respect for the United Trade Federation of Plankton, the ambassadors for the president wish to board immediately."

"There's no need to sound so rude, Captain."

The captain turned around to look at the taller brown robed figure.

"I'm sorry?"

"People usually say 'with all due respect' when someone offends them. Saying it when the guy hasn't said anything at all makes you look rather aggressive."

"_Ah, yes, of course," _The Trade Federation leader replied to the captain's request uncertainly, "_as you know this blockade is perfectly legal. We'd be happy to accept the ambassadors."_

The view-screen goes black.

"How on Earth is blocking all trade and communication to a series with an army of deadly battle ships legal?" the shorter of the two figures asked the taller one.

"The same way that waging war on a country is perfectly legal," the taller one reply, "Just because it's immoral doesn't mean that there's a law against it."

"But doesn't the United Nations declare such things among its members illegal?" the shorter figure asked.

"Yes, but the Republic is more like the League of Nations rather than the United."

"Ahh, I see. So, does that mean we're going to end up giving the aggressors what they want in the hopes that they don't do it again?"

"That's the president's plan. However, I'm thinking about interpreting his orders in a different way."

The shorter figure understood. When it comes to interpretation, you can make a certain order mean anything you wanted it to mean, even if it's the exact opposite of what was said.

The cartoonship came closer to the Plankton voidstation. Being Plankton, the station was a lot smaller than the transport of humans; so boarding it would not seem like an easy task at all. Fortunately, however, toons have compensated for this rather unfortunate obstacle. As the Republican cartoonship approached the station, a beam of light appeared from the latter and moved across the voidship back and forth. When it had vanished, the cartoonship had shrunken to the size of a small jellyfish, small enough to be docked with the station.

After docking, the two robed figures were transported on the Federation Station, though not before getting prepared for the environment. When they had finished materialising, they saw in front of them a protocol droid.

"_Welcome,_" it greeted them. The Droid was programmed with a female voice.

"_I am T-Hee Hee-Hee, protocol droid and servant of the United Trade Federation of Plankton. I do apologise for the inconvenience of the lack of air (referring to the fact that the entire station was filled with water. Well, Plankton are sea-dwellers after all). A water free chamber has been prepared for you. This way please._"

Following the droid, the two former robed figures (now the diving suited figures) were led out of the Transportation Room, through the corridors to a door that revealed a red force field right behind it when it opened upwards. Beyond the force field, the two ambassadors could see that the room was completely free of water. T-Hee Hee-Hee walked towards the force field, simply passing through it as if it was not there. It was clear that it was only programmed to keep out water. So the ambassadors followed her in. They could feel the energy of the force field as they walked through it, but they were able to pass through nonetheless. When they had entered the water-free room the ambassadors immediately took advantage of the opportunity of air by taking off their helmets. Now, with their robes and concealed appearances, you would have thought that these two were evil. In fact, the exact opposite was true. For these two are the heroes of our tale. The taller of the two men is Qui-Gon Genies, gennai samurai. The shorter and younger one, Obi-Futatsu Kenobies, is his apprentice.

"I have a bad feeling about this," he said the moment his helmet was off. Qui-Gon breathed the air through his nostrils.

"I don't sense anything foul," he replied.

"Not about the air in this chamber, master. It's something-else. Behind the scenes."

"Don't let your mind wander elsewhere, Obi-Futatsu," Qui-Gon warned sternly, "Keep it on the here and now."

"But Master Darren said I should be mindful of the future," Obi-Futatsu protested.

"But not at the expense of the moment. Be mindful of the living Hammerspace, my young apprentice."

"Mindful…is that even a word?"

"According to Microsoft Word it is. Besides I'd like you to suggest an alternative."

"I can think of a number of alternatives! There's…ummm…."

Five minutes later…

"Nope. Surprisingly I can't think of even one."

"Yes, that's the curse of a George Lucas script. It's almost impossible to translate it into good dialogue. That stops a disgruntled fan from rewriting it into suitable form and over shining George Lucas."

Obi-Futatsu looked at the clock in the room.

"The viceroy-captain is certainly taking his time. When is he going to come down to meet us?" Obi-Futatsu asked his master.

"It shouldn't be too long," Qui-Gon answered optimistically.

"How do you think the Trade Viceroy-Captain will respond to the president's demands?"

"What, that they have to cut down their number of ships surrounding Belleville Rendez-vous by at least a third? Probably not well. Still, these Federation types are cowards. I hear the viceroy-captain is even afraid of his own shadow. Literally. It should play in our favour."

"That will probably mean it won't."

At that instant, Qui-Gon realised that he just fell into a well-known device of the plot.

"Damn."

Three minutes ago…

"WHAT? What did you just say?" The viceroy-captain demanded from T-Hee Hee-Hee, who had come to the bridge to give her report.

"_THE-AM-BASS-SA-DORS-ARE-GEN-NAI-SAM-U-RAI-I-BEL-LIEVE!_" She enunciated.

"Why are you shouting?" Raygun's number 1, Commander Dooreen, asked.

"_Captain Raygun didn't seem to hear me,_" was her reply, "_I thought I wasn't speaking loudly or clearly enough._"

The commander now turned to his superior officer. They both wore red uniforms.

"To be honest sir it was pretty obvious that they were gennai," he pointed out, "I mean, who else wears brown robes with hood over their heads?"

But Raygun wasn't listening. He looked as though he was about to collapse as he grabbed his chair for support.

"I knew it," he muttered, "I knew it. They're here to force us to sign a treaty."

"Aren't you being a little bit paranoid, sir?" Dooreen asked, "I mean it is possible they just want to talk."

"HAHA! Gennai? Talk? HAHA! No, they're here to force us to do their bidding. They'll bewitch us with their gennai mind tricks to make us go away. No, I will not fall for their lies. Besides, as I learnt from my dear old dad, one can never be too paranoid."

"Yes, sir, I know. We have the same father, after all."

Being plankton, reproducing at a fast rate, they tend to have extremely large families.

"Dooreen, go down to the ambassadors' chamber and keep the gennai busy while I contact Lord Phibious."

"Are you brain dead?" Dooreen sounded horrified.

"Oh, so now you're afraid of the big harmless gennai, are you?" Raygun asked him.

"No it's not that. Contact Lord Phibious? You must be mad! He won't be happy. He told us never to contact him unless it's a real emergency."

"This is a real emergency!" Raygun shouted, "Gennai have boarded us to come and plan to kill us all!"

"Okay, now you're just going over the top here," Dooreen tried to reason with, "It's a well known fact that gennai don't-"

"Enough with the questioning! Go down there and keep the gennai occupied!"

Dooreen groaned. None of this was going to go well. And he just realised that he fell into a well-known device of the plot.

"Dang."

"So," Qui-Gon started to say, deciding to make small talk while they wait for the viceroy-captain, "Obi-Futatsu Kenobies. Bit of an odd name, don't you think?"

"What, are you some kind of racist? You're a racist aren't you?" Obi-Futatsu shouted.

"What no, no! I didn't mean it like that! It's just that it's a Japanese name yet you're clearly Caucasian."

"I knew it! You are a racist! You think that just because I'm white, my parents are white, and throughout my entire family there is not one Japanese relative that I can't have a Japanese name?"

"Well, no!"

"Besides, you're one to talk. You're first name is Chinese yet you're just as Caucasian as I am."

"Yes, but it's just my first name. My parents could well be so fond of Chinese culture that they gave their son a Chinese sounding name. What's you're excuse for a Japanese surname? And please don't take five minutes trying to answer!"

"…I don't have one."

"I thought so."

"Actually, my full name is Decanbi Obi-Futatsu Kenobies."

There was silence.

"I don't get it," Qui-Gon replied.

They looked back at the clock.

"Why are they taking so long?" Obi-Futatsu demanded, "I haven't been this board since the opening!"

"Patience, young one," Qui-Gon tried to console him, "You're rashness is unbecoming to a gennai samurai."

"I wish there'd be a battle coming up soon."

"And having just said it like that, we'll probably have a fight scene in the near future."

Obi-Futatsu realised that he had succumbed to a well known plot device.

"Sweet!" He cried.

Both Gennai turned as the door opened.

"Finally," Obi-Futatsu breathed, "What took you-wait, where is the viceroy?"

T-Hee Hee-Hee had returned with a tray and two cups.

"_I'm afraid the viceroy-captain is rather caught up at the moment,_" she apologised, "_Please be patient._"

Obi-Futatsu slouched back in his chair.

"And I thought the Central Bureaucracy was slow," Qui-Gon said.


	3. A plot device fulfilled

A hologram from the bridge's holo-emitter was materialising. When it finally settled, it showed a figure shrouded in black robes.

"_Why have you contacted me?_" It demanded. The voice was icy and deadly.

Minute Raygun was standing in front of the holo-emitter. Dooreen was beside him. He thought that he might as well stay on the bridge in case something went wrong.

"Go on," he nudged Raygun, who had become frozen at the sight of the image. Regaining himself, Raygun walked forward to the image.

"Ahem," He coughed, preparing himself for what he had to say, "This plan of yours has failed, Lord Phibious! We dare not go against the gennai!"

There was silence. You'd think from the looks of Phibious that it was a bad idea to shout at him at tell him that his plan sucked. Later, you'd find out that you were a hundred percent right.

"_YOU CALLED ME HERE FOR THAT_?" He bellowed.

Viceroy-Captain Raygun seemed rather taken aback.

"Well-err," He stammered.

"I told you he wouldn't be pleased," his commander whispered.

"_I give you specific instructions not to contact me unless it was a real emergency and you're like 'oh the gennai are here! We can't possibly handle the gennai on our own! Let's cry home to Lord Phibious! Mememe! Memememe!"_

Phibious actually danced as he said this_._

"_WHAT AM I, YOUR MOTHER?"_

"It was Dooreen's idea sir!" Raygun exclaimed, pointing at his number one, "He told me to contact you!"

"What?" Number One exclaimed, "You backstabbing traitor! It was I who kept telling you that contacting Phibious was a bad idea, but oh no, Gennai Samurai have come on board and plan to kill us all!"

"_Tut Tut." _Phibious shook his head,_ "Blaming your mistakes on your more intelligent right hand man. I don't know how you ever became captain. Honestly, I've never met anyone so unnecessarily coward-_"

"AAAAAAH!" Raygun suddenly screamed, "Dooreen, there's a black something right behind me!"

"That's your shadow, sir."

"I didn't ask for its life story! Just get rid of it! How did it even get on board?"

"Well shadows are created when light can't reach certain areas- namely those that are behind people which block the light."

The viceroy captain put his digit to his chin.

"Hmmm," he muttered, "so that means that these 'shadows' form behind every single person. What we need to do then is to create a mobile lamp that follows the person so that-"

"_Raygun!_"

The viceroy-captain spun around to face his master.

"_Direct your attention solely to me. I'm going to take the opportunity for no apparent reason to order you to begin invading 'Belleville Rendez-vous.'_"

Invasion! Raygun was as jittery as it was with blockading all trade routes around a cartoon, even if it was legal. But outright invasion?

"My Lord!" The Viceroy captain exclaimed, "Isn't that illegal?"

"_No, there's a nice little clause in Article 66 of Genratic Republican Constitution that permits the invasion of one cartoon by another in certain circumstances. OF COURSE IT'S BLOODY ILLEGAL! But you knew that when you sold your soul to a dark lord archetype that you would end up doing things of questionable morality._"

Raygun could not help but quiver and crumble in the presence of this terrible figure. Being from a children's cartoon, Raygun's mind was innocent of swearing- so when someone actually swore at him violently he could not help but feel traumatised.

"An-nd, wh-what about the-Gennai?" He managed to stutter.

"_The president should have never involved them. Detain them immediately._"

"Yes, my lord," Raygun bowed as the hologram vanished.

The captain of the vessel noticed that a turret in the docking bay was rotating. In the ship's direction.

"Shields-!" she shouted, realising what was going to happen before she was cut off when the turret instantly fired, and the last thing she remembered was being surrounded by fire.

Hearing what sounded like an explosion, the Gennai by instinct stood up and pulled out mallets from the Hammerspace. Openings appeared around the room and water started to pour in.

"It looks as if they're trying to drown us," Qui-Gon commented, as the water level was rising.

"Oh come on!" Obi-Futatsu protested, "They can't seriously think that they can drown a gennai? Haven't they watched any cartoons?"

"Given that they are cartoons," Qui-Gon pointed out, "that question is pretty redundant."

By the time that the level had reached their waists, a smoke-like substance too was filling the room.

"Poisonous gas," Obi-Futatsu, "Well that is a bit more of a challenge."

"Er, sir," Doreen said to Raygun, "No mean to sound insubordinate, but didn't Phibious say 'detain them,' not 'kill them?'"

"I know that's what he said, but his orders can be interpreted to mean 'kill them.'"

"No, I think he made it perfectly clear that-"

"Silence!"

The viceroy captain tapped his digit on a nearby control panel.

"There. I think that's been enough time for them to die. Send in the snoopy droids!"

Down the corridor that led to the former water free chamber marched a squadron of yellow droids shaped like snoopy the dog, led by a B.R.I.A.N.

"Wait, if they're dead, then why are you sending battle droids down there?" Doreen asked.

"To dispose of what's left of them," Raygun answered.

"In that case why not send in the cleaning droids to get rid of the bodies?" Doreen pointed out.

"Oh yeah right!" Raygun laughed, "What good will cleaning droids be in the first big battle scene?"

There was silence.

"What did you just say?" Doreen asked.

"I…don't…know…why…"

The battalion had reached the door of the chamber. They had been given orders to dispose of the bodies. This would have been an easy task if they were given disintegrators, the B.R.I.A.N thought, but it looks like they'll have to do the best they could with the blasters. The door opened. The poisonous gas emitted from the room. The droids raised their weapons just in case, even though any chance of anything surviving the poisonous gas was impossible. As the gas cleared, sexy music from nowhere started to play and what appeared to be two beautiful women were walking out of the chamber. It was actually Qui-Gon and Obi-Futatsu wearing wigs, red dresses and heels. Strangely enough, the only one who seemed to be turned on was the B.R.I.A.N.

"Tee-hee-hee-hee," Qui-Gon giggled girlishly, his voice high pitched, "Hey there, handsome. Me and my girlfriend got kinda lost looking for the Toilets."

The B.R.I.A.N stared blankly at what it seemed to believe were two beautiful women. The sexy music abruptly stopped.

"HAMMERSTRIKE!" Qui-Gon and Obi-Futatsu cried, pulling mallets out of the Hammerspace in a split-screen. They struck the B.R.I.A.N.'s head, crushing it. Before the snoopy droids could do anything, the two gennai samurai wielded their mallets all around, crushing the droids and even lobbing off a few heads. Within a matter of minutes, the entire battalion was down.

"Was the cross-dressing really necessary?" Obi-Futatsu questioned as they slipped out of their dresses, "I mean, I don't think droids are even attracted to women. Well okay, that B.R.I.A.N seemed turned on-"

"Gennai samurai was always be prepared for any possibility, my young apprentice."

"You just wanted an excuse to wear a skirt," Obi-Futatsu sneered.

The gennai used the Hammerspace to zoom down the corridor.

"How on Earth are they not drowning?" Raygun demanded.

"I believe that gennai bear the toon-like power that prevents one from actually drowning." Dooreen explained.

"But none of the land dwellers in our cartoon can breath under water, and we're as cartoony as they get!"

"The art of the Gennai goes back to the old days of cartoons. You know, when characters can stay under water for apparently unlimited amounts of time without seeming to drown?"

"That I do."

Raygun sighed.

"I believe that western cartoons are not what they once were."

"That's been obvious since the later nineties."

Qui-Gon and Obi-Futatsu eventually found a door.

"Right," Qui-Gon said, "You try to bash yourself through while I'll see if I can squeeze through under it."

"You assume that just because I'm the youth that I prefer to do the more violent stuff?"

"What, don't you want to bash through the door?"

Obi-Futatsu looked taken aback.

"Well…that's not the point!"

"If you're going to make a big deal out of it, then I'll smash through the door while you can see if you can squeeze under it-"

"No wait!"

Obi-Futatsu hung his head in defeat.

"Bashing through the door is fine."

With a cocky smile the young gennai apprentice zoomed into the door. He had failed to break through, but he had made a deep man sized dent in it. Smiling craftily, Qui-Gon dropped to his belly and pushed his head against the door. His head was squeezing through like it was made of rubber.

On the other side, Raygun and his number one were gaping at the door with the large human shaped dent and the dark hair emerging from the bottom.

"This is impossible!" The viceroy-captain wailed.

"Well actually it isn't," Dooreen pointed out, "Gennai are famous for their abilities to break through anything and squeeze through the smallest spaces."

Raygun turned to look at his number one.

"And you didn't tell me this earlier because…?"

"Well, like I said, they're FAMOUS for it. I assumed you KNEW."

"Then it looks like we have to resort to drastic measures! RELEASE THE DROIDDECARDS!"

There was silence.

"The what?" Dooreen asked.

"THE DROIDDECARDS!"

Raygun kept saying something that sounded like 'Droiddecard.' It took Dooreen a while to translate.

"You mean the destroyer droids!"

"That's what I said, THE DROIDDECARDS!"

While Obi-Futatsu looked as if he was about to break through the door, he heard what sounded like two large metallic wheels roll by. He turned around to see the large metal wheels bring up laser guns. They started shooting, but thanks to his gennai training the young apprentice was able to dodge every one of them. However, they were too far away to safely whack them with his mallet.

"Qui-Gon? QUI-GON!"

No answer. He probably couldn't hear him, what with his head underneath or even on the other side of the door. There was only one thing to do now. Grabbing his master's feet, Obi-Futatsu leapt onto the door and pulled. While doing this he got shot several of several times, but thanks to his gennai training he was able withstand laserfire for a short period of time. Pulling with all his might, the young apprentice was finally able to pull out his master from under the door, causing them to go flying and smashing into the killer pair of wheels.

"Why on Earth did you do that for?" Qui-Gon demanded as they got up.

"We were under attack by a killer pair of wheels," Obi-Futatsu explained, "I thought it was no good you being stuck under a door."

"Were they actually shooting me?"

"Well…no, not exactly…"

"So didn't it occur to you that I could've gotten over the other side of the door, and stop the attack there?"

"…Well…"

More destroyers show up.

"Let's get out of here!"

And they zoomed off.

"Hah!" Raygun mocked, "They are no match for Droidecards."

"Destroyer Droids!" Dooreen shouted, "It's Destroyer droids! A-NNUN-CI-ATE! You're going to get the readers very confused!"

"Er, sir," the monitoring officer piped.

"Look, it's not my fault that you can't hear properly!"

"Er, sir," the monitoring officer piped again.

"My hearing isn't the problem! It's the way you don't speak clearly enough-"

"CAPTAIN!"

"What?"

"The Gennai have escaped down a shaft a few seconds ago."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

The monitoring officer hung his head.

* * *

**I do not own Snoopy, destroyer droids or even the term 'droid.' That applies to previous chapters as well. Anything else I do not own I have already disclaimed in previous chapters, which apply to this as well as future chapters. **


	4. TinTin Blinks

**I do not own the name Qui-Gon, droid or anything connected to Star Wars. I also do not own 'Belleville De Rendez-vous' or anything related, or Spongebob Squarepants plankton or anything related.**

* * *

After falling through the shaft, the two Gennai looked in horror of what laid before them.

"It's an invisible army!" Qui-Gon gasped.

"It doesn't look so invisible to me," Obi-Futatsu pointed out.

"We need to escape to Belle Ville de Rendez-vous by stowing away on these carriers. We'll stow in different ones, and meet up on the surface."

"Oh okay. You know, you were right about one thing Master."

"Oh? Only one thing? Well what is it?"

"Obi-Futatsu Kenobies is a bit of an odd name."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the Bridge…

"Sir, a transmission from the cartoon," The monitoring officer reported.

"It's from Protagonist Souza herself," said Dooreen.

"At last, we're getting results," said Raygun.

On the giant TV screen appeared an image with Madame Souza.

"Hello there, Madame Protagonist," Raygun greeted, "And how are you today?"

Souza said something to him in French. Fortunately, though, there were subtitles, which said 'Spare me the pleasantries Viceroy-Captain. We know that the two ambassadors are on board your vessel to negotiate your withdrawal from this movie."

"Ambassadors?" Raygun's eye shifted left to right, "What ambassadors? I don't know of any ambassadors! Dooreen, do you know anything about any ambassadors?"

"Not at all, Sir," Dooreen answered.

"Then you see!" Raygun turned back to the screen, "We don't know anything about any ambassadors; you must be mistaken!"

You'd think that this news would shock Souza, but for some reason her expression remained unchanged.

"Be warned, Viceroy-Captain. The United Federation of Plankton has gone too far this time."

The Screen turned off.

"Do you think she suspected anything?" Raygun asked his Number One.

"Well I think your shifting eye was a little suspicious," Dooreen answered.

* * *

On Belleville de Rendevouz, the main characters had gathered at Madame Souza's home during the crisis. They were in the middle of talking to a holographic image of Councillor Palatine, representative of Belleville in the Inter-Genratic Council.

"They're not there?"

The Councillor seemed quite troubled.

"But that can't be. I saw them off with the President, they should have arrived by now-"

The image became unstable.

"Councillor Palatine," said Madame Souza. The other main characters found it remarkable how she was able to remain so calm in such a crisis. The image vanished.

"What happened?" Asked Violette, one of the three title characters.

"The image went out!" Souza's grandson Champion exclaimed.

Captain Panikattack of the Guard now spoke up.

"A disrupted communication can only mean one thing: INVASION!"

"Or a blown out fuse," Blanche, another title character, pointed out.

The captain of the guard looked taken aback.

"Yes, a blown out fuse," he admitted.

"Or an asteroid interfering with the line."

"Yes, or an asteroid interfering with the line."

"Or a typical network failure."

"Yes or a typical network failure!"

"Or maybe the computer on their end just unexpectedly shut down, honestly Panikattack, if you're going to come up with the most extreme cause of a problem, no one's going to take you seriously!"

"Too late, no one does," Rose the final title character whispered.

Everyone in the room muffled their sniggering, apart from Souza, who remained as emotionless as ever.

* * *

Some time later, the Cartoon fleet of the Federation, after being enlarged (literally), had invaded. Droids scattered everywhere, intending to control every bit of the cartoon. Even the places no one lives or had no economic value.

Qui-Gon was not too sure how he got to this city, nor did he know how he got passed the droids, nor how he got to running. What he did know, however, was that he was being chased by a large mecha, and a pigeon equally from out of nowhere was screaming, about to be killed. Qui-Gon managed to catch him and move out of the way of the coming leg.

"Oh, yousa saved me!" the pigeon cried after Qui-Gon took down the mecha.

"Are you brainless?" Qui-Gon demanded.

"I spake!" the pigeon said indignantly.

"Not very well mind you."

The pigeon looked startled.

"RACIST!" He cried, pecking at Qui-Gon.

"Ow, ow! OW! Okay I'm sorry! I'm sure you speak your native language really well!"

"English IS meesa native language!"

"-Really? OW! Alright, I'll go!"

"Wait!" the pigeon cried, flying after him as Qui-Gon tried to get away.

"Alright, I'm sorry! Just don't peck me anymore!"

"No, not that! Meesa go with you!"

"So you can punish me more for insulting the way you spake-I MEAN SPEAK?"

"No! Although yousa is xenophobic scum, meesa has to go with you! Meesa your humble servant!"

Qui-Gon glared at the creature.

"Why?" He asked uncertainly. It was certainly odd for something who hated his guts to want to be his servant.

"Because yoosa saved meesa's life. Tis demanded from the animators, it is!"

Just as Qu-Gon was thinking if he had known that he would have thought twice about saving the pigeon, loud laser fire could be heard. Obi-Futatsu was zooming away from another mecha, which almost squashed all three of them. Qui-Gon had to push the pigeon out of the way again to avoid getting squashed.

"Oh! Yousa saved me again!" The pigeon thanked after they got up and the gennai took down the mecha.

"What's this?" Obi-Futatsu asked. The pigeon looked offended.

"What's this? WHAT'S THIS? What do yousa mean talking about meesa like some thing? Meesa have feelings you know! And messa spake!"

"So yeah, what's this?" Obi-Futatsu asked again.

"Hey!"

"A local." Qui-Gon explained, "Now come on. We've got to get away before more come."

The pigeon looked startled.

"More? More did you say? EXSQUEEZE ME!" The pigeon called as it flew towards them.

"Exsqueeze me?" Obi-Futatsu mouthed.

"If yoosa looking for a safe place, then yoosa should go to the pigeon city. Safest place in Belleville!"

"A city? Can you take us there?"

Something suddenly occurred to the pigeon.

"Ah, I've just remembered that meesa was banished on pain of death."

"You're just remembering this now?" Obi-Futatsu said disbelievingly.

"If meesa go back there, there'll do terrible things to me!"

"Do you hear that? That is the sound of many terrible things coming this way." Qui-Gon told him.

"When they come here, they'll crush us into little tiny pieces." Obi-Futatsu added.

The pigeon looked startled.

"Yousa have convinced me with your generic description. This way, meesa show you! Come on, meesa show you!"

Qui-Gon and Obi-Futatsu followed the pigeon as it flew.

* * *

It wasn't really a city. More like an abandoned building. The trio entered what looked like the main hall, where it seemed most pigeons were gathered. At once every pigeon stopped what they were doing and stared at them.

"Er, hello, everybody," The pigeon guide replied nervously.

"NO! HE'S BACK! TIN-TIN BLINKS IS BACK!" one of the pigeons screamed.

A great number of pigeons panicked and started to fly away as if Godzilla had just invaded.

"Tin-Tin!" a young pigeon cried.

A small number of younger pigeons flew excitedly towards Tin-Tin as fast as the older pigeons were flying away.

"It seems that every pigeon under the human equivalent age of ten seem to adore Tin-Tin," Qui-Gon commented.

"And every pigeon above the human equivalent age of ten seem to feel the exact opposite," Obi-Futatsu added.

"Tin-Tin!" A braver pigeon shouted, "How dare yousa come back! Yousa in big doo-doo now!"

As it happened, Tin-Tin was standing in a puddle of bird dropping.

"Wow," said Obi-Futatsu, "And I thought MY puns were bad."

* * *

Eventually the trio were brought before the leader of the pigeons. He was giant, and fat.

And he was a human.

"Greetings, outlanders and Tin-Tin," He greeted in a deep, booming voice, "Meesa the Boss of the pigeons."

"Why is that fat man dressed like a pigeon?" Obi-Futatsu asked.

"Greetings oh mighty Boss," Qui-Gon greeted, "My friend and I were just passing through. We need to get to Paris."

"NO!" The fat man bellowed, "Even though weesa have nothing to lose with yoosa gone, weesa shall keep you here."

"I see. Well, maybe you will change your mind if I slip into something more-comfortable."

Qui-Gon unzipped himself from his head. His suit gave way, revealing himself in cross-dressed form. The pigeon leader's eyes almost jumped out of their sockets.

"Tee-hee-hee-hee," Qui-Gon giggled girlishly, "Come now, Boss. Couldn't you just let us go? Pretty please?"

"Hee hee hee," The boss chuckled, his face going red, "Well," he started scratching his cheek "Meesa suppose meesa could let this slip once."

"And would you also know of any form of transport you have that we could use?"

"Well, there is the abandoned vehicle just outside the city. Yoosa can use that."

"Great!" Qui-Gon reverted back to his normal speech, "And what's to become of Tin-Tin?"

"Heesa is to be punished for returning."

"Oh, come on Boss pigeon," Qui-Gon resumed his sexy voice, "Can't you let him come along with us, pretty-"

"Er, hold on Boss pigeon, I just need to talk to my, er, sister for a bit, _Qui-Gon, what are you doing?" _Obi-Futatsu whispered his master harshly.

"Well he did help us out," Qui-Gon whispered back, "It only seems fair to bring him along."

" But he's really annoying! And I've already found that out just by being with him for five seconds!"

"Obi-Futatsu," Qui-Gon explained to him patiently, "In every saga, there is a band of main characters. And within that band, there is one character whose role is to provide comic relief to the reader."

"Why do we even need a comic relief character? I can provide the reader with humour with my numerous puns."

"So Boss pigeon, I'll be desperately needing that banished pigeon now."

"What? My puns aren't THAT bad!"

"Besides, he owes a life debt to me, apparently dictated by your animators."

"Is this true, Tin-Tin?"

The chained up pigeon humbly nodded.

"Then yoosa shall go with these outlanders, and never come back!"

"Oh Messa don't know. Meesa would rather stay here and be punished than go along with these xenophobes. Ye animators! What am meesa saying?"

"Qui-Gon, he'd better be worth it!" Obi-Futatsu whispered harshly to his master.

* * *

In the city of Paris, the seat of government in Belleville, the divisions of snoopy droids were marching through the street. There was surprisingly little resistance. Madame Souza looked outside of her window at the army. She was surprisingly emotionless about the situation.

* * *

"We have just finished occupying every single space of Belleville, my lord," Raygun was saying to the hologram.

"_Excellent, Viceroy-Captain. You have done well. Now go to the surface and force Protagonist Souza to sign a treaty making your occupation legal._"

"Yes Sir."

The image vanished.

"You didn't tell him about the missing Gennai?" Dooreen mentioned.

"And tell him what? That the Gennai we were implicitedly supposed to kill have escaped and we don't know where they are?"

"I see your point. Hey, aren't you supposed to be the dumb leader and I the clever right hand man?"

"Usually. Wait, what are you talking about?"

* * *

The Gennai had got the car started and were on their way to Paris to rescue the protagonist. Tin-Tin was in the back, talking. Obi-Futatsu was not too sure what he was talking about, but it was annoying him to no end. Must-resist-urge-to kill, Obi Futatsu thought to himself.

"So Tin-Tin, how come you were banished?" Obi-Futatsu asked.

"Oh, theysa found meesa, er, annoying."

"Really? I can't imagine why!"

"Messa knows!"

* * *

 In the world of cartoons, a protagonist is the equivalent of a prime minister.

 In the world of cartoons, a title character is the equivalent of a head of state. Although in UK English, the Cartoon is known as 'Belleville Rendez-vous,' it's local name is 'Les Triplettes de Belleville,' or 'The Triplets of Belleville' referring to these three characters. In a sense, with three title characters but not one of them the protagonist, 'Belleville Rendez-vous' is essentially a constitutional triarchy (Although this is not recognised in the UK English speaking world, which refers to Belleville as a republic (A cartoon with no title character)).


	5. The Escape

**I do not own 'Bellville', 'Star Wars', 'Spongebob Squarepants,' 'Snoopy,' 'Family Guy' or anything related.**

* * *

By the time the gennai had got to the city, Raygun and Dooreen had also entered. In order to sustain themselves they each sat in a golden globe of water, which magnified their faces. Spindly legs were attached to these globes. They accompanied the captured main characters with their snoopy droids.

"How will you explain this to the Council?" One of the title characters asked.

"The Protagonist here will sign a treaty making our occupation legal," Raygun explained.

"I will sign no treaty," Madame Souza said firmly.

"We'll see," Replied Raygun.

The two plankton later departed from the main characters. As the snoopy droids trooped, high above looking over a building were the Gennai and Tin Tin. The two Gennai leapt.

"_Hey, what's that whistling sound like something toony falling at an extremely fast velocity?_" One of the Snoopy droids asked the other.

"_Meh, probably just the wind,_" The other one replied as the gennai landed on the troops, smashing every one of them.

"Greetings," Qui-Gon greeted the main characters as he got up from the wreckage. "We are the ambassadors the president sent."

"Your negotiations seem to have failed," Another title character accused.

"The negotiations never took place," Qui-Gon replied, "Now follow us! We've got to get you off this cartoon."

"We're not going anywhere!" Panicattack shouted as he held his gun at them, "Two rescuers who come out of nowhere can only mean one thing: YOU ARE SPIES!"

"Oh put down your pistol Panicattack before you hurt someone," Madame Souza said as she put her hand on top of the captain's gun and pushed it down, "I appreciate your concern Master Gennai but I will not abandon my people."

"Your Mainness," Qui-Gon began, "I fear that they may execute you."

"They wouldn't dare!" The third title character exclaimed, horrified.

"They need her to sign a treaty," Champion explained.

"Your Mainness," Qui-Gon began again, "I fear there is more going on than meets the eye. None of this follows the logic of the Federation. My instincts tell me that once they're done with you, they'll kill you."

It was hard to tell what Madame Souza was thinking. Actually it was hard to tell what she was thinking anytime nowadays. She turned to look at her handmaidens.

"Trying to leave this cartoon would be dangerous. For all of us."

"We are brave, your mainness," One of them responded.

Souza turned back to the Gennai.

"So yes, Master Gennai, I shall remain on the cartoon."

"What? No!" The handmaiden who had spoken shouted, "I meant that we're prepared to leave the cartoon!"

"Huh? Oh right!" Madame Souza replied, "On second thoughts, we will go with you."

* * *

The gennai and Tin Tin were led by Souza, the guards and handmaidens to the landing pad. The other main characters decided to stay, hoping to form some form of resistance with their influence.

"We'll need those captured pilots," Qui-Gon explained, pointing at the pilots surrounded by Snoopy Droids.

"I'll handle it," Announced Obi-Futatsu, who walked towards them.

"Excuse me, I need to escort these prisoners to Coralcan't," Qui-Gon explained to a nearby B.R.I.A.N.

"_I'm sorry, where are you taking them?_"

"To Coralcan't."

"_Er, Coralcan't, er, that does not compute, er, we er, you er, you're un-_"

Qui-Gon smashed its head in with his mallet before it had a chance to finish it's sentence.

"I really did try to withstand all of its speech," He told the other characters, "I really did."

Obi-Futatsu got near enough to the other droids.

"_Tasmanian Devil attack!_" He cried, spinning like a mini-tornado with his mallet. In this form, he easily wiped out the droids.

* * *

Federation Starships chased after the fleeing Bellville Ship, shooting at it and damaging the Hammerdrive.

* * *

"The Hammerdrive's been knocked out of commission!" Panicattack reported, "If we don't fix it soon we'll be sitting ducks here!"

"Heh heh heh," Obi-Futatsu chucked, "My old Sensei would have not appreciated the figure of speech you just used."

Panicattack just ignored him.

"Send in the A.D.s!"

* * *

Several A.D.s (Or Assistant Droids) flew out of the ship to fix the Hammerdrive. These droids were small, grey and spherical in appearance, with large, diamond shaped optical sensors. Tools came out of their hulls to work on the damage. A couple were blown away by laserfire. One droid, however was able to fix the damage.

* * *

"That little droid did it!" Panicattack exclaimed, "Activate the Hammerdrive!"

"Where is that music coming from?" Obi-Futatsu wondered.

The ship disappeared into Hammerspace.

* * *

Aboard the ship, the handmaiden who had spoken looked in awe at what was outside. Qui-Gon, noticing her, smiled.

"I take it this is your first time in Hammerspace?" He asked her.

"My animators," She stuttered, "It's full of mallets!"

"Well it wouldn't be called Hammerspace if it wasn't full of hammer-like objects!"

Qui-Gon looked at the controls.

"Well we're in the clear now. But we're still badly damaged. We need a new hammerdrive to get to Coralcan't."

"A damaged Hammerdrive can only mean one thing: SABOTAGE!" Panicattack announced dramatically.

There was silence on board.

"Is he always like this?" Qui-Gon asked the handmaiden.

"All the time," She replied, "It's why the Protagonist keeps him around. He's so much fun!"

"Well we need to stop off somewhere close. Somewhere out of Federation control."

"Didn't you all hear me? There's a mole on board!"

"Here, master. Reboot," Obi-Futatsu pointed out on the controls, "It's not far from here and according to the computer it's out of the way from any Federation trade route."

"How can you be so sure?" Panicattack questioned.

"Did I not just say that the computer showed it was out of the way of any Federation trade route?"

Qui-Gon bent down to look at the data.

"It's controlled by the viruses."

Panicattack looked horrified. More so than he usually does.

"You can't take her important mainness there, the viruses are gangsters!"

"What, they wear a lot of jewellery and listen to rap music?" Obi-Futatsu asked. He had an image of monsters wearing giant golden necklaces walking to rap music.

"NOT THAT KIND OF GANGSTER!" Pannicattack shouted, "You know, like Mafia!"

"Ohhh."

Obi-Futatsu now had an image of several suited monsters with guns speaking in really bad Italian surrounding a beaten up guy tied to a chair.

"If the viruses knew she was there-," Panicattack continued.

"Then it'd be no different if we were on a Federation planet. Except the viruses aren't looking for us," Qui-Gon reasoned.

"But still, what about this saboteur?"

Everyone ignored him.

"Why doesn't anybody take me seriously?" Panicattack moaned.

* * *

"_What do you mean she's escaped?_"

Raygun was in a middle of a conversation with Phibious.

"Well Sir," He started explaining, "We had captured her, but then somehow she got free, and she and her guards and handmaidens stole a voidcraft and managed to leave the movie. We had ships sent after her, but then they went into Hammerspace and we don't know where they are now."

Phibious growled.

"Sorry," Raygun lamely apologised.

"_Viceroy, find her!_" Phibious shouted, slaming his fist.

"Erm, it's Viceroy-Capt-"

"_I DON'T CARE IF YOUR TITLE IS VICEROY-ADMIRAL!_" Phibious bellowed, "_I WANT THAT TREATY SIGNED! And speaking of my orders, which part of 'detain the gennai immediately' did you have problems understanding?_"

How did he know about that? Raygun thought.

As if he had read his thoughts, Phibious answered, "_I used my powers to read up on what's been happening. So tell me._"

He put his fingers together.

"_Which part of my orders weren't clear?_"

Raygun started to sweat.

"Well, er, you see, er, I merely thought your orders could be, er, interpreted differently-"

"_You WHAT?_" Phibious roared, "_You INTERPRETED my orders?_"

"Well, yes," Raygun stammered, "Is that so bad?"

"_IS THAT-? You stupid piece of plankton! Don't you know that 'interpretation' is just a fancy word for 'twisting something to say what you wanted to say?' Kinda like how 'paying homage' is just a fancy word for 'ripping off'._"

"But Sir! Surely everything is open to interpretation!"

"_No, codes are open to interpretation. Prophecies are open to interpretation especially if they're the really cryptic type. PLAIN SIMPLE ENGLISH IS NOT OPEN TO INTERPRETATION!_"

"But what if the plain simple English is hundreds of years old so it must be reinterpreted or if it was translated from another language so the translation is not quite so accurate-?"

"_I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT WHAT WAS WRITTEN HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO OR WHAT WAS TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH! I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE IN ENGLISH AND WHAT WAS UTTERED SEVERAL CHAPTERS AGO! And besides, that first example is not interpreting, it's simply applying it to the modern era, and the second is just mistranslation._"

Phibious put his hands together.

"_The next time I give you orders, I expect you to follow them exactly by the letter. I take it back, viceroy-captain. You haven't done well at all. If anything, you've done really, really badly. Perhaps I should have gone to the Techno-Union. In fact, I think I'll call them right now._"

The holo-image widened to show a table with a telephone on top standing next to Phibious, who was bending over to pick it up.

"No wait!" Raygun shouted, "Please Sir! I'll do better!"

"_Good. I like to hear it._"

Phibious moved away from the phone.

"_Now then, how goes the search for Madame Souza?_"

"My lord, the ship is out of our range. It's impossible to track it."

Phibious sighed.

"_I guess I have to do this too for you, do I? Very well. Lord Moorhen, why don't you be less shy and let our partners see you_?"

Raygun and Dooreen screamed as they cowered away. The holo-image had grown to show a terrifying figure several times taller than Phibious. A grim reaper type character, he had burning red glowing eyes in his sockets. The figure had its arms crossed.

"_This is my apprentice, Duck Moorhen._" Phibious explained. "_He will find your vessel._"

The image vanished.

"This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them." Raygun moaned.

"Well Sieves do tend to come in sets of two. It's common knowledge. I thought you knew."

"We never should have made his bargain."

"Why do you think he was called, 'Duck Moorhen?' He wasn't a duck or a moorhen."

"I hear that Duck Phibious is a bit mad. A complete and utter wacko."

* * *

Back on board Madame Souza's ship, the A.D. who saved their ship was being congratulated.

"We cannot thank you enough for your service, young Assistant Droid," Souza thanked, "We are in your gratitude."

"_Aw shucks, it was nothing,_" The A.D. replied, making a 'forget about it' gesture with a hand that had come out of its shell.

"This droid seems to only be capable of communicating in beeps," Souza said to Panicattack, "Is there a reason for this?"

"Oh this must be the particular droid who is very er liberal with his speech."

"_WHAT DO YOU _BEEP_ING MEAN LIBERAL WITH MY _BEEP_ING SPEECH? I'M AS _BEEP_ING ELOQUENT AS THEY _BEEP_ING GET!"_

"Isn't this all kinda odd?" Obi-Futatsu whispered to Qui-Gon, "Actually thanking a droid for its work?"

"Not everyone is prejudiced towards droids like you are, Obi-Futatsu."

The young Gennai scoffed.

"You're one to talk about bigotry Mr 'Caucasian people can't have Japanese names'!"

"What is the A.D.'s number?"

Panicattack bent down to look at the droid.

"A.D. 3 Tsuin, your Mainness," Panicattack answered.

"Wait, what?" Obi-Futatsu spluttered, "Where's the pun on the name of the character this parodied version's based on?"

"Just be glad that Anonymius didn't bother," Qui-Gon assured him, "I swear it's these lame puns on Star Wars characters names is partly why we don't get as many hits as the other fics."

Obi-Futatsu looked puzzled.

"Anonymius? Hits? Fics? Master, what are you talking about?"

"Ah. I take it you haven't broken the fourth wall as far as that."

As they were talking, A.D. 3 Tsuin had been led out of the room by the only handmaiden who so far had spoken.

"Your Mainness," Panicattack addressed, "We are approaching a series by the name of Reboot. However I have expressed concerns about this cartoon which-"

"Your concerns are duly noted," Madame Souza instantly said.

"What? But- there are-"

"I said they were duly noted!" Souza snapped. Panicattack turned around.

"No one listens to me," He muttered, "You give one report on a middle eastern country that they have weapons that can destroy the world, and when you invade and they're not there, no one takes you seriously…"

* * *

**P.S. I do not own Reboot or anything related either. If I have missed anything, then I apologise.**


End file.
